Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Man vs. Food

Normal people would think that statement would be fitting for a jungle - hunt for your dinner - its them or you- kind of situation. Not in our house. And just so you know, we have never watched the TV show. Or we might have been prepared for what comes next. Sunday we met a dear friend of mine and her family at Mel's Country Cafe. Her dad wanted her husband to try to eat the Mega Mel Burger. Apparently, it's a big deal and you get your picture and your name put on the wall if you finish it. So, we met them there for a seemingly normal lunch. A short time later - it turned into some macho challenge that still makes me feel a little queasy. Now, to be completely honest - my dear friend and I are the ones that pressured my husband into joining her husband on this quest, but I do want to point out - he didn't have to give in. :) Let me first tell you about the Mega Mel Burger... 1 ½ pounds of Freshly Ground Beef 1 pound of Bacon ¼ pound of American Cheese and lots and lots and lots of lettuce onion, tomato slices and pickles! When I say "lots and lots and lots", I mean - I'm pretty sure there is a whole onion, a whole tomato, a whole bag of shredded lettuce and half a jar of pickles on that burger! For the record, for the first time in my life - I am not being dramatic or exaggerating. There really was that much "ruffage" on that burger! Let me also tell you that if you think you are going to be smart and say "hold the onions" they gladly say "ok" and add another hamburger patty! You will get the same amount as everyone else - whether its in ruffage or beef! This is a challenge my friends and here in Texas - we take our challenges and our meat, seriously. Let me next tell you about The Rules:
  1. If you leave anything on your plate, you will be disqualified.
  2. If anyone takes anything off of your plate, you will be disqualified.
  3. You must be able to talk and walk after you finish. If you cannot, you will be disqualified.
  4. If you get sick before you pay your ticket, you will be disqualified.
  5. Mel's will stop you, if they think you are going to get sick.
  6. You have two hours to finish the Mega Mel Burger. If you do not finish in two hours, you will be disqualified.
  7. If you get sick, YOU clean it up. Not anyone at the cafe, or your wife!

I especially liked Rule #7! Also - they bring you a plastic bag (think grocery bag) and tell you that if you get up to go to the restroom and it's locked and you're going to get sick - get sick in the bag. It's less to clean up, you see. They also bring you a wonderfully bright green 5 gallon bucket. You know - in case don't make it the 15 feet to the restroom and you get sick at the table. Nothing sounds as appetizing as a 3 pound hamburger and a puke pail on the side!

They also give you a really great piece of advice. They tell you (loudly enough for the whole restaurant to hear) that they suggest you eat the bottom bun first. They told the guys that if they haven't gotten sick by the time that they get to that bottom bun, that they will if they eat it last. After all - it's sitting there soaking up all the juice from the veggies and all the grease from that cheese, and meat. Sounds yummy, doesn't it.

To make our guys feel extra manly - they held up a couple of pictures of young girls and told them that the "girls" record for finishing that burger was 19 minutes!

So, we anxiously await our meal and the guys' $20 heart attack on a plate. I mean lunch. And out it comes...

He was thinking "What The Hell Did I Let Them Talk Me Into?" He was also wondering when the papparazzi was going to go away. My friend, the waiter and I were all taking pictures!

Do you see how scared he was? The fear in his eyes was almost enough for me to tell him that he could back out. Almost!

To properly "dig in" he had to turn it on it's side. Darren was smart and listened to the advice of a wise, wise man and ate that bottom bun first.

When I asked Darren about his strategy, he said "I'm not going to rush, I just want to see if I can finish it". I have to tell you that my heart was a little heavy. After all - this is Texas and there isn't anything Texas women love more than a man that can finish a meat challenge! :) Darren asked me not to post these last two pictures and as much as I take his feelings into consideration, they completely summed up his Mega Mel Burger experience and were too good not to post.

He finished a little less than half of the burger (without getting sick). The waiter came back and brought the guys to-go boxes. I seriously can't believe that we can even say "hamburger" in our house without Darren wanting to throw up.

We took the box home and I broke up one of the patties and put it on a plate for Coco. Darren couldn't finish, but Coco didn't have a problem finishing what we gave her! I knew I had a winner in my family :)

She could seriously be a competitive food eater.

I think she finished that patty in 15 seconds. That plate was clean!

No puke pail needed for my baby girl!


jamye boyd said...

this is great! lol

Amanda said...

LOL!!! Morgan, I love it!! That was great!

Melissa said...

This is both disturbing and way cool all at the same time. I had no idea they made food that big. I am glad he didn't finish it. He may have died righ there at the table!

Heather said...

i was expecting it to be flat and big like the ones i've seen featured on man vs food. this was great though! i'll have to tell ephram about that challenge when he gets home.

Anonymous said...

I have to post on hubs as well!!

I love your re-telling. . .I might quote you!