Here are a few Irish jokes for ya:
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?' They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. 'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.' Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home..' 'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife. 'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, When Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. 'Brenda, may I come in?' he asks.. 'I've somethin' to tell ya'. 'Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?' 'That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery' 'Oh, God no!' cries Brenda. 'Please don't tell me.' 'I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim. 'How did it happen, Tim?' 'It was terrible, Brenda.. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned.' 'Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?' 'Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.'
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?' She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.. My husband passed away last night.' The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?' She says, 'That he did, Father.' The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?' 'She says, 'He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun.'
And my favorite...
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.'
Hope you all have a great day! Don't forget to drink some green beer!