The Christmas Card Tragedy of '09

Hello. My name is Morgan, and I am gaudy. I love anything that sparkles. I like things that shimmer and shine and I absolutely, without a doubt, 110% adore glitter. If they made glittery caskets, I would ask to be buried in one. I know…gaudy. I truly believe that Elvis and I were woven of the same thread. When I was little, my mother was a hairdresser. Maybe the appropriate term is beautician. Anyway, she did hair and nails and sometimes, we would visit her at work. My mom has told me, on more than one occasion, she had a customer that was just as gaudy as I am. She had long red finger nails and wore lots of make-up and enough jewelry for five people. I would sit next to her and was in complete awe of her. I would say to my mother “Mom isn’t she beautiful”. In other words, I like a little flash. With that being said, my Christmas tree is bathed in ornaments and baubles of glitter and gold. Sparkly and dangly. Shimmery and shiny. I search high and low for ornaments covered in glitter, and sequins. I love little glittery embellishments, etc. They just make my heart happy. I could sit and stare at a sparkly tree forever. Remember my tree from last year?

Well, it’s a baby tree. We have moved and traversed all over town and 3 different “homes” in the last 3 years and I was not at all prepared to put up a big tree. So, my mom ran and got a 4.5” tree from Hobby Lobby. It was cute, pre-lit and assembled in less than an hour. Per-fect! So, I ran all over town to get some new (smaller) ornaments to go on it and rushed home to decorate it and all was well with life. This year, unfortunately, I am not having the same luck. The tree is up but it resembles something closer to Charlie Brown’s Christmas than Elvis’. It makes me so sad! The ornaments that I bought especially for that tree have disappeared. I have no idea where they are. I have searched high and low and back again. I can’t find them anywhere and I refuse to go out and buy new ones. I can find all of the ornaments that go to the big tree, but I don’t feel comfortable putting them on this smaller tree because they really are larger than should go on this tree and they are all nice, expensive ornaments that my mother used on her trees and I don’t want to mess those up. So, we have a tree up with lights and a pretty red, glittery tree skirt with about 10 ornaments on it. It makes me upset, every time I look at it. To the Christmas card dilemma… I wanted to take Christmas pictures this year. I haven’t in two years and I really, really wanted to this year. I even bought Darren a red and green plaid Ralph Lauren shirt at Ross for $10 and I found a red shirt for $9 so I just knew our Christmas card mojo was all cranked up. Then, we could never find time to make it to JC Penney. We’ve had professional pictures done twice this year, so I was kind of yearning for the fake fire next to the leaning Christmas tree that makes all Christmas card pictures classic. So, although I was disappointed with our near miss – I came up with plan B. We would take them at home, next to a real fire and a leaning Christmas tree. I could make a little green bandana for Coco and we would be ready to rock ‘n roll. And this is where the Charlie Brown Christmas tree comes into play and thats just not the picture perfect Christmas tree, now is it? So, unhappily – I moved on to plan C. Which is to buy beautiful, glittery Christmas cards like I have done the last two years. So, off I went on a new mission. To Ross, and to Hobby Lobby and to Wal-Mart and to Marshall’s and to Tuesday Mornings and to Big Lots and guess what? Half of those places didn’t have a single Christmas card with glitter. A few of them had some that I didn’t like. Oh, the disappointment. So, I went back to Tuesday Mornings and bought 80 “cute” Christmas cards for $19. At least they were cheap. So, with all the enthusiasm I can muster – I am working on my “cute” Christmas cards and trying hard not to cry. So, if you get a glittery Christmas card in April with two fat kids and a dog sweating in red and green – go with it. It took a lot of work to pull it off!