In Honor of Maddie (10/14/10 - 02/17/11)

It pains my heart to write this, but today, a friend of mine and her husband are going to bury their little girl. Their 4 month old little girl to be exact. Sweet little Miss Madison Paige Staats was born into this world on October 14, 2010 and left this world to be with her Savior last Thursday, February 17th, 2011. In her very short life, she brought a lot of love and happiness to those around her. She was a joy to her parents and grandparents and brought smiles to faces of people that didn't even know her. Here are some pictures of sweet Maddie.

In honor of this little one's life - forget about the toys all over the house, the mess in your kitchen, the water the kiddos get all over the bathroom during bathtime tonight and the meal they didn't finish. Just hug them and love them and be extra thankful for them today. There are mothers and fathers all over the world that would do anything for one more chaotic, crazy, exhausting day like that.

And say a few prayers for Maddie's family. Lord knows they are going to need all of them that they can get during this difficult time.

RIP Sweet Maddie!

Rough Patch

Two weeks ago today, I had another miscarriage. That's the second one in just a short five months. D and I are heartbroken but are trying to remain optimistic in terms of another pregnancy.

We went in to see our fertility specialist and he recommended having some testing done to see if there are any underlying factors that would have caused this miscarriage. We went in last week to both have blood taken (they took one vial of blood from Darren and 17 vials of blood from me!!!) and it has been sent off to be tested. They are going to perform a series of about 30 tests on it, to see if there is anything going on that they can fix. Their main concerns are chromosome abnormalities, blood clotting issues, un-wanted antibodies in my blood, or hormone issues.

We are trying to be patient while awaiting the results, which should be available in about 3 weeks. Of course, that's easier said that done. In the meantime, we're continuing to pray that we will find some answers and hoping for the best.

I wanted to write this today, because I know that everyone deals with things differently and I know that so many people deal with things like this quietly and privately but I think that sometimes it helps if people talk about it. I know that it's a lot easier for me to deal with this if I can talk to other people about it and hear that I'm not alone in this. The thing that is most surprising to me during all of this, is how many of my friends and family, or friends of our friends have gone through rough patches and dark hours like D and I have. When things like this happen to me, I feel so alone and I think sometimes as women our first instinct is to wonder what we could have done differently or what we did wrong and while talking to all of these women - its easier to understand that there wasn't and we didn't. It's not our fault and that these things are difficult and life and pregnancy is a lot more fragile than we let ourselves believe sometimes.

So, in light of all of that - I just want to put this out there... If there is anyone out there, that ever needs someone to talk to or you know a friend or a coworker or a sister, or whomever that is going through something similar and she needs to talk - send her my way. I would be happy to talk to any of them and let them know that they aren't alone.

Sometimes, we just need to we're not alone through the rough patches.