Happy 29th Birthday Darren!

Darren,

Happy Birthday sweetheart! I hope that you have a wonderful day - you deserve only the best. You are such an amazing husband and I am so lucky to have you in my life. I am grateful for all of the time that we have had together, all of the memories that we have made and all that our future's hold.

Sometimes, when we're watching tv and I look over at you or when I'm laying awake in bed, I can't help but think of how incredibly luck I am to be married to you, and how many things I love about you.

In honor of your 29th birthday, I wrote a few of them (or 29) down...

1. I love your laugh. I love that it's goofy and loud and that when you think something is funny, you don't wait for everyone to laugh - you just let go and laugh with everything you have - even if that means clapping your hands and stomping your feet.

2. I love how handy you are. I love that I can dream up all kinds of things for "us" to do and you can do them for me.

3. I love that you hold my hand when we sleep.

4. I love that you are not all macho and controlling of the remote and that you let me take possession of it and decide what we watch.

5. I love that you know how completely neurotic I am (about everything), but you act like it's completely normal.

6. I love that you are who you are and you don't pretend to be anything you're not.

7. I love that you are a hard worker and are motivated and will do whatever you have to do to provide for our family.

8. I love that you adore Coco as much as I do and by all accounts, she is your "little girl".

9. I love how protective you are.

10.I love that you kiss me and say "goodnight sweetheart, sleep good" before bed every night.

11.I love how your dad is your hero.

12.I love that when you tell me that you love me and I say "I love you more", you say "nope".

13.I love, love, love when you're freshly shaven - how smooth and soft your face is and how I can't help but kiss all over you and you just smile.

14.I love how everytime you cook, you get out every single spice that we have in our pantry and attempt to make a "special concoction".

15.I love that you let me talk you in to just about anything.

16.I love that you get into Lifetime movies just as much as I do!

17.I love how proud you are of your heritage and where you came from.

18.I love how children absolutely love you. I have never seen children so drawn to a person as they are to you and I love how you are on Cloud 9 when you are around them.

19. I love that you've had the same best friend since you were younger and how regardless of the fact that you don't see each other often, every time you get together you just pick up where you left off.

20.I love that you know how much I hate running errands (like going to the bank) and you do it for me.

21.I love that you're tough on the outside but tender on the inside.

22. I love that when we look at each other across a crowded room, everyone else disappears and we only see each other.

23. I love that you want to experience everything together and that you're as excited (if not more) than I am to have children and start a family.

24.I love that we can be silly together and that we have the stupidest inside jokes and how much fun we have re-telling them over and over to each other.

25.I love the way that you make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.

26.I love that I can have an absolute blast with you - regardless of what we do, even if its nothing at all.

27.I love how everything turns into an adventure when I'm with you.

28.I love how close you are with your parents and that you talk to your mom everyday.

29.And more than anything, I love that you love me and that you "chose me" and that I get to spend the rest of my life with you.

I love everything about you! Happy Birthday my love! I hope it's a great one and that the next year brings much happiness, success and good health! I can't wait to experience it all with you!

Wordless Wednesday

Rainbows

Darren and I have been trying to have a baby for about 18 months, which seems more like eternity. A couple of months ago we started seeing a fertility specialist and have had some tests done. A lot of tests, actually. Luckily, all of our tests have come back with great results. They can't find anything wrong with either of us! Which is great news - in theory. But it still doesn't tell us why we aren't conceiving.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I got a phone call from my Dr. In one of the scans taken during a test, they found what he thought was a polyp. It measured largely and he felt like it might be acting like an IUD and could very well be the reason we have been having a hard time getting pregnant.

I was having a hard time concentrating on much of anything during our conversation because I was about to burst with the news that I was expecting! I told my Dr. that I had taken 7 home pregnancy tests (I was in a bit of shock), and had already gone to my PCP for the blood test, which had come back positive and that we didn't need to worry about the polyp. We decided that it could wait, but that I should come in for an ultrasound and some blood work to check my hormone levels. Once everything was good and signed off on, he would send me back to my regular ob/gyn for the rest of the pregnancy. I went in and had the ultrasound and bloodwork done and went about my business, cheerfully. The very next day I started not feeling very well and having really bad cramps. I called the fertility specialist freaking out, and he told me to relax and take it easy and that they were still waiting for my test results. A few excruciating hours later, he called to tell me that my labwork had come back and the bloodwork showed that I was no longer pregnant; that I was losing the pregnancy. My heart shattered in a million pieces. I couldn't believe I could experience such a high and such a low all in the course of a few days. It took a few days of crying and feeling sorry for myself, to realize that I wasn't making things any better for Darren or myself. We have to remember that God has a plan for us all!

A few days later, I went back in to discuss the polyp and schedule surgery for it to come out. I had surgery last Wednesday where they found not one, but two polyps. One very large and one smaller polyp. The Dr. explained that they had their own blood supply and were situated inside my uterus. He said that he felt like I was far enough in the pregnancy for the egg to have been fertilized, and implanted but was concerned that it might have tried to implant itself on the larger of the two polyps. The fertilized egg was receiving blood, but nothing else, which resulted in a miscarriage.

I have spent the last few days at home recovering and thinking. Thinking that sometimes we have to experience a little bad to appreciate the good. Thinking that we must not worry about the details but remember that God will not forsake us. Thinking and trying to remember that everything happens for a reason, even if we don't like it or understand it.

Darren and I have experienced a lot together. A lot of love and a whole lot of loss. Through it all, we've grown into a really wonderful couple. Strong and couragous, tender and loving, and above all else, supportive. We're each others rocks. We stand tall when the other one can't. We lift each other up in prayer and in praise. We encourage each other, defend each other and love each other unconditionally.

In the midst of our pain, and our loss - we received a blessing. We were given a "reason". We sought out a specialist to find out why we weren't having a baby and we were given what we asked for. Sometimes we have a hard time receiving God's answers. It's not in the nice, neat little packages we hoped for, but we got what we wanted. Now we know. We have a starting point and the courage and strength to start over - to try again.

Sometimes it takes loss to remember all that we have and all that we take for granted. Sometimes we've got to experience pain to appreciate the love and joy our lives are filled with. Sometimes we have to endure the rain to appreciate the rainbows.

Jiminy Cricket

Darren called me outside the other day to look at something he and Coco had found. I walked out to see this on the side of the house...

Have you ever seen a cricket this big?

I'm definitely not a bug person, but I think this is a really cool picture. And you know what? Darren took it on his phone! I would have never believed it.

Apparently, bugs have a pretty good life around our house. We have a lot of them, so we must be "the spot".

Home Sweet Home

This weekend, my in-laws were in town and while the boys were at the barber shop so that Pops could get his hair cut, Mama Jackie and I went across the street to Hobby Lobby. While we were there, I talked myself into buying some flowers for the front porch. A few months ago, I had bought a door hanger basket from Southern Living, but never bought any flowers to put in it. All of a sudden, I was in the mood for flowers!

The front door. I would love, love, love to put some more white trim around it and paint it red, and then put the street number on the door with vinyl letters. But alas, this isn't "our house" so I'm going to let that idea go.

Oh, and I really like how the pots turned out. I bought terra cotta pots for $3 each and then spray painted them with an oil rubbed bronze spray paint.

The flower pot to the right. I was only planning on using the yellow flowers, but I needed some fillers. I thought I bought 4 bunches of yellow, and I wound up only picking up three. I like how it turned out though.

The flower pot to the left of the door. I really, really love this little garden stake. I bought it a few months ago and had it in a flower bed on the other side of the house, but it was really "lost". It was far too small to be put in a large bed. Once I got these flowers "planted", I went and got that stake, bent it in half and then stuck it down in this pot. I really like how it turned out.

This is, by far, my new favorite thing about the front porch. I just had to have that bucket, when saw it, and I am really happy with how it turned out. I just love the feathers and the greenery pieces that hang out. I am pretty cheap though and I never could find flowers that I liked that were cheap enough! I finally found a bunch of greenery, that had these feathers in it, for $11.99. Lucky for me, all floral was 50% off this weekend. So, I bought all of the flowers for the front porch for just $46. That works for me! We never use our front door, but I can't help but go out that door about 5 times a night, just so I can see the flowers on the way back in! They make me happy! Hope all is well with each of you!

Lunch Is Served!

With the surgeries (we are up to three now), the soreness, and all of the medicine, Coco isn't quite back to herself yet. Everyday is better than the last, so we are grateful and we are headed in the right direction!

The medicine seems to upset her stomach some, but of course - it's a necessary evil. The first week she was sick, I could get her to eat turkey hot dogs (where I would hide her medicine) and nothing else. Then, she just stopped eating all together. I've tried pretty much everything, with no success. I called her Dr. and he said to try giving her chicken and rice or canned dog food. So, we tried the chicken and rice and she ate it! Woo hoo! I was able to hide her medicine in it and she ate all of what I gave her! I don't know that I have ever been so happy.

This is pretty much my favorite thing to see these days!

I kind of feel bad that I stalk her - to make sure she eats, drinks plenty of water, gets her medicine, potties, her wounds get cleaned, she gets a warm compress each night to bring down the swelling, she doesn't jump up on or off of stuff, she doesn't get too hot outside, etc. She goes back today for a check up and possibly to replace some stitches that were taken out a week or so ago. It's a long story, but the skin around the stitches was dying and pulling away from them, so the Dr. took them out and we left the wound open for a week to let them try to heal on their own. I think they have done really, really well so we shall see what the Dr. says today!

Hope all is well with everyone and you enjoyed a wonderful (and safe) 4th of July!

We're Alive & Kicking!

How can I have so much to post and feel like I have absolutely nothing to say, all at the same time? That’s how I have felt for the last month or so. There has been so much going on – I don’t even know where to start!

Well I guess I can back it up a bit… In April, Darren’s place of employment was going through a series of lay-offs. They had four in 2009, and Darren made it through all of them (thank goodness). They started more lay-offs in March, and announced that there would be another one in April. Just about that time, rumors started circulating that they were going to lay-off the entire third shift (which was what Darren was working). Each week, more rumors circulated and they pushed the lay-off back another week. You could cut the anxiety in our house with a knife! It was almost unbearable! Finally, on April 16th Darren found out that he would not be laid off, but he would be downgraded to level 6 (he was at level 9), so that meant a (downward) change in positions and a change in salary. We were thankful that he still had his job and were grateful that we would still be able to get by on such a decrease in income. A week goes by and the very next Friday, I drove up to Chappell Hill right after work for my Godmother’s rehearsal dinner. It went well and I drove home to start making the cakes for the wedding. Once I got home, Darren told me that when he went in to work that day, he was laid off. Surprisingly, my anxiety had completely been depleted and I didn’t freak out (thankfully). I immediately sat down and filled out the unemployment forms and started working on his resume and applying for jobs. We went to bed that night and put off the cakes. So, I got up bright and early and started on the cakes. I wound up making eight carrot cakes, two German chocolate cakes and 2 strawberry shortcake cakes. Oh my goodness – EVERYTHING was covered with sugar and butter and at first you would think that would be delicious, but I assure you – it was not. The clean up took FOREVER. I was supposed to be back up at the ranch at 2:30 for pictures (I was in the wedding – I did the first reading). But Darren and I didn’t even leave our house until 3:00 and then had a 20 minute drive ahead of us with twelve melting cakes. The days before the wedding had been cool and beautiful. The day of the wedding was beautiful, warm and SUNNY. Oh, the sun had a field day with those cakes! Thankfully, we made it in time for pictures and to set up the cakes. All of them intact and no one was any the wiser.

This is my kitchen - mid baking. I tested a "Mustard Seed" paint color a couple of days before the cakes. I don't like it at all - its not staying.

After the few days it took us to get my kitchen back to normal, we started looking online for jobs – without much luck. We talked to Darren’s dad and he told us that he could really use Darren’s help for awhile, if we were interested. Darren’s dad owns a steel erection/construction business in East Texas, so we packed Darren up and sent him that way in early May. He worked there for 7 weeks, coming home every other weekend to get his allergy shots. In that time, Matthew (my nephew) turned 5, and Graduated from Pre-K, and we celebrated Mother’s Day at my house, so those events kept us busy. We celebrated Memorial Day in Center with Darren’s parents and cooked them a nice, surprise anniversary dinner while we were there. We headed into June and record temps and were preparing for Pops’ 50th birthday. The day that I packed everything up to head back to Center for the party, I got stopped by the mail lady and got a letter from Wyman-Gordon calling Darren back to work. He called that Monday morning and said that he would be coming back and they told him that his first day back would be the 28th of June. He went in for his physical and drug tests and then took a week off from work.

Matt with Chuck E. Cheese

Two high school friends of mine and I have been diligently working on our 10-year high school reunion. We got the caterer, hall, and dj booked. We are lining up items and donations for the silent auction, put our press releases in local newspapers and got the invitations out. Now – we’re just trying to collect money!!! The reunion is the fourth weekend in July, so we’re hoping we get a lot more in before then!!! In the meantime, things have changed drastically at my job. I got promoted to Division Administrator (fancy way to say office manager). I got a new office, that is really nice and I have bought a few things to make it my own. I still have a good ways to go, but for now – I’m in love! I have been so busy though, that I’ve been working about 60-65 hours a week. I’m not complaining – I have really been enjoying it. Don’t get me wrong, I am looking forward to things slowing down, but am really enjoying what I am doing now, so I am extremely happy. A couple of weeks ago, I went to see a fertility specialist. The news is out – Darren and I have been trying to conceive for about 15 months now, with no success. Many of the women in my family have had issues getting pregnant, so we about a month ago, I got my Dr. to refer me to someone and let us start that whole process. We met with Dr. Griffith at the Houston Fertility Institute and simply fell in love. Seriously! He is the most kind, gentle man. He was reassuring, down to Earth and I immediately felt comfortable with him. I had a consultation with him a couple of Fridays ago and scheduled Darren to go in for some testing the Monday after that. How un-heard of is that. Making an 8:00am appointment to see a Dr. on the Friday before? That’s how accommodating their office is! Everything came back wonderfully and Darren is checked off our list of things to worry about. Then on Friday, I went in for a HSG ultrasound and we found out immediately that everything was good there. So we made an appointment for Tuesday to do another ultrasound and some blood work. I got my results Tuesday afternoon and everything was good on both of those so, we’ve got some more things crossed off our list. I go back on July 2nd for some more blood work. Just an FYI – I didn’t know this and thought that this was interesting – Dr. Griffith said about 15% of infertility is unexplained. That everything is good on both spouse’s accounts and they still can’t have a baby. No one knows why. He did say not to worry about things like that because whatever we found out – we would “engineer around”, which made me feel hopeful. Then last week, as I was getting ready for work and letting Coco out to potty – the most horrific thing happened. Coco was attacked by a coyote. It was the most heart wrenching thing I have ever seen/heard. I managed to get to her just shortly after the coyote got to her, and I was able to scare it away in the process. I wrapped her up and we rushed her to the hospital. By the time we got there, she was in shock. They immediately hooked her up to IV fluids and antibiotics and started prepping her for surgery. They wound up finding out that a good portion of her connective tissue had been ripped and the blood vessels under her skin had been ruptured. She had multiple severe teeth wounds and lacerations. They put tubes in, to drain blood and fluids and she got stitches in five different places. She stayed the night at the hospital and they let her come home on Tuesday. She has been taking her medicine every day, like the Angel that she is. She has spent a couple of nights on a pallet in our room but quickly made it back to her kennel/ box (where she feels safe). Every day is a new ballgame – she is getting around a little better every day. We are struggling with her, trying to not let her over-do-it, which she is having a hard time grasping. Part of her skin (around some of the teeth wounds) has died and pulled away from the stitches, so now she has a couple of open wounds. We spend time every evening wiping her down and cleaning her wounds and giving her, her medicine. She likes this quality time and usually winds up in my lap for an hour or so before bedtime. This was her old bedtime routine, so we are all very glad that she is feeling well enough to continue with it. I took her this morning to have the drain tubes removed and the stitches taken out. She still has a limp on her front/left leg. The vet said today that we won’t know definitely for a couple of months whether that will be permanent or not. She is having some mild complications with some fluids and blood pooling underneath her skin, but the vet feels like she is going to be just fine – in time. We have strict instructions to help her maintain her weight, to massage her shoulders and legs every day, to put a warm compress on her wounds for ten minutes twice a day, and to make sure she gets up and walks, without over doing it. It is absolutely heartbreaking to know that she is hurting and sore and that there isn’t a lot that we can do about it. I don’t know how I will ever manage with two legged children!

To put things in perspective - this is Coco just three days before the accident.

Darren stayed like this, right beside her all day Tuesday when she got home. What a sweet dad!

This is her right side. The lighting is terrible - I'm a horrible photographer. It doesn't look so bad, but this is actually the worst of both sides. She has a large laceration about 3 inches long, that was over an inch deep. You can see one of the drain tubes, underneath the laceration and stitches.

This is her right side. She has stitches in three places, and a drain tube (up by her neck) - you can see the white thing hanging out. She has the bandage on her leg because of the IV she had at the hospital.

She has spent the majority of her evenings like this - wrapped up in soft blankets, on the living room floor.

I made her a pallet and wrapped her up and she slept in our floor for a couple of nights like this. Darren and I have moved into the guest bedroom for now. Coco wanted back in her box at night, and we keep it in the living room, next to the back door. To be closer to her, and outside ( in case she needs to get up during the night), we've moved rooms for now! It’s pretty much been a whirlwind around the Fountain house and the coming weeks don’t seem to be calming down any. Darren’s grandfather is getting re-married over the 4th of July weekend. I will not be in attendance, as I am staying home with Coco. The weekend after that, Darren and I are traveling to Wylie, TX to visit some dear friends of ours while my mother stays with Coco. The weekend after that one of my sorority sisters is getting married and the next day we are having a small get together at our house. The weekend after, I turn 28; have my 10-year high school reunion, and then a family gathering that Sunday. The next weekend starts August, and I’ll be co-hosting a baby shower for a friend of mine and the next weekend we have to drive back to Center for Darren’s best friend’s son’s 2nd birthday party. Then the next weekend is Darren’s birthday and his parents are coming down to visit. We have twelve friends expecting babies in the next 6 months and 2 friends getting married – so needless to say, I don’t see it slowing down anytime soon! As crazy and hectic as it has been – I can look around and tell that God has looked out for us and truly blessed us. We’ve are grateful for all the kind words, thoughts and prayers that have carried us through the last few months and for all of the wonderful friends and family that we are surrounded by. We know that with our sights on God, everything is small in comparison. I am trying to get better about updating more frequently, so it won’t be so long! Until then – I wish you all, all of God’s blessings!