Poop

Friday night I mowed the lawn while Darren was at work and when I came in to cool off, because it’s a zillion degrees outside, Coco immediately jumped in my lap because of course, I had completely neglected her for all of an hour and she was about to have a fit! Anyway, as soon as she jumped in my lap, I gagged so badly and my eyes started watering. She stunk! Pure and simple, she was a funky little dog. Now, I had to wonder to myself what she had gotten into because she is an inside dog. Yes, we allow her to play outside as long as she wants but we have no mud, no trash, no other animals or sewage for her to play with/in. And that’s exactly what she smelled like. I thought to myself, maybe she got a hold of cat poop. We are constantly shoo-ing off stray neighborhood cats. But she didn’t have anything all over her. Her face was clean, I was even brave enough to smell her breath and she hadn’t been eating any of it. Thank goodness because I honestly would have thrown up on the both of us, had that gone the other way. So, like any good mom, I turned her around and checked her butt. And honestly, I threw up in my mouth a little because staring me right in the face was the biggest “dingleberry” I have ever seen in my entire life. “Dingleberry” is an extreme under statement. Seriously! She literally had a terd hanging from her butt. So, I grab her and we run outside because, obviously, she hasn’t “finished”. Wrong! Oh she had finished. It was just some sort of cruel and unusual punishment. She apparently went potty, and a big glob got stuck in her fur and she ran around outside long enough for it to dry just enough to become completely glued to her hair. Seriously! You think it’s disgusting?? Be the one that has to get it un-stuck! So, I tried baby wipes, a wash cloth soaked in HOT water, paper towels, and nothing my friends, nothing would get rid of the poop from Hell. So, I did the only thing I knew to do, I went upstairs and ran the warmest bath I thought that she could handle. Filled that tub up with soap, and stuck her in it! I stuck her little heine under that running water, hoping some of that water pressure would work its magic. And it did, somewhat. I got an old washcloth, slathered it in soap, poured soap all over her and went to scrubbing! It took some work, and a lot of grunting and shivering on Coco’s part, but we got her all cleaned up and poopy free. I wanted to make sure that this situation didn’t happen again, so I got out some scissors, and trimmed all the hair around her butt. Let me tell you, I have never in my life, seen any animal so still. She clenched that butt and didn’t move a muscle until I was completely done and told her that she could go! She ran across the hall, into the guest bedroom (where I get ready in the morning), and she got up on the bed and layed down (you think we’ve done this a time or two), and she let me blow dry her. When we got done, she took off and ran around the house and rolled on the floor and then played outside until dad got home. I told him the story and he laughed as hard as he could, in between “oh, that’s nasty” and “I’m glad I wasn’t home”. When he saw her walking across the room he said “Morgan, I don’t think you got it all”, and I looked at him like I was going to stab him and said “that’s not funny”. He said, “I’m being serious”. He grabbed her up and turned her around and it was just her butthole. I know that sounds graphic, but you can see it across the room! I trimmed that hair so close, we now have a bald butted dog on our hands. But my friends, I can assure you, we won’t be having any more poop situations on our heines! PS: The tub has been scrubbed and cloroxed twice, so we are back in business! You might think I am insane for posting this, but this is a blog about my life. Our life. And however insane, hectic, wonderful, charming or disgusting it is - this is it!